Kids Say Some Funny Shit
Bill Cosby probably has a copyright on Kids Say the Darnedest Things, so I figured I'd better use an even more appropraite title for this musing.
The other night My wife and I had dinner at a local casino. We ate the buffet and they practically had to wheel us out of the place in gastrointestinal despair. It was a good buffet and to top it off Dawn won $75 on a slot machine while we waited like sheep to the slaughter to eat like a bunch of fat pigs.
On the way to pick our son up from my parents' house we dropped by our house to grab something. Our dog Velvet insisted on coming with us to get Noland. For a dog of nine years and more gray on her muzzle with every passing day, she's a spunky old lady.
We get home with Noland. It's dark. Velvet sneaks off under the pomegranate tree while we get the front door open. When she gets in the house she does that scoot dogs do when they wipe their ass on your carpet, something she'd done at my parents' house. She's never had worms, but I know that's a sign. Without getting into gross details, that's how the eggs are hatched. I decided to go outside and check the gift she left us beneath the pomegranate tree. You know, just in case. If my dog is having an issue I want to know so I can get her the help she needs.
Noland follows me outside and I tell him to stand back because, like most five-year-old boys, he wants to get right up into what's going on. In this case, that would mean a shoe full of dog shit. Soon enough I locate Velvet's donation to the fertilization of the pomegranate tree and so does Noland. He says, with all the glee of a little boy, "It's a juicy one!" I chuckle. No worms. Looks like a perfectly healthy dog turd.
We turn to go back in the house and Noland says, "It's a fresh one!" He then rubs his belly and says, "Velvet made it in her oven."
I couldn't help bursting out in laughter.
Yep, kids say some crazy shit.