Fitting In
By Robert Essig
It
wasn't until my sixteenth birthday that I really fit in with my family.
Sounds
crazy, I know, but, no matter how generous my mother, father and older siblings
were, I couldn't help but wonder why I looked the way I did. Why did I look
like the people outside walking on the sidewalk and those I saw on TV, yet the people who
raised me and taught me kindness and trust were monsters?
***
I was
born on Halloween night.
We all
were.
So far
as I know it has been some sort of ritual handed down over the years. Just
don't ask me how that figures into the unpredictable nature of human
conception.
We have
a grand party every year on Halloween in celebration of all our birthdays as
well as the holiday that celebrates the damned. Yes, I'm well aware of the
Samhain roots (and yes, I know how to pronounce it!), but my family's origins
came much later, and to us Halloween is a celebration of the damned.
"How'd
your mask turn out?" my mother asked.
I gave
her a cursory look and then a glance toward the hatbox on my nightstand in
which the mask in question was concealed. I finished it weeks ago.
"It's
perfect," I said.
My
mother nodded. She was so beautiful with her beady eyes like the dark centers of
olives in a face of dead green flesh. Her best attribute was her protruding
nose, all crooked with the perfect wart on the tip, off centered just to the
right.
There
would be a lot of kids in witch costumes tonight. They would attempt to look
half as good as my mother. As I look into those gleaming little spheres I see
all the love she has given me and I hope that someday when I have kids I could
be half the mother she is to me.
"I
can't wait to see it," she said before patting my knee and walking out of
the room.
***
Everyone
crowded around the front door at the sound of the flat noted chimes that
bellowed down the foyer.
It was
midnight.
"I
was afraid we wouldn't get even one trick 'r treater this year," said
Uncle Rich. Bolts protruded from either side of his neck, one a half an inch lower
than the other. His head was flat like someone had cut the top off with a
guillotine. He'd never been all that creative.
"It's
Julia's sixteenth birthday," said Aunt Patricia. "Of course there's
going to be one. I never doubted it."
Aunt
Patricia's face was smooth like a porcelain doll, half of it the perfect image
of something like a Geisha, the other half cracked with chunks that had fallen
out revealing the scaled flesh of the creature beneath.
I'd
always admired Aunt Patricia's artistry.
The
hatbox with my mask waited for me on a table at the front door.
"Go
on," said my father, flashing me a fanged smile.
He and
Mother had gone traditional, much like Uncle Rich, but with far more attention
to detail.
My
brother and sister stood like grinning sentinels, Jim with horns on a head of
red flesh and she like a Disney villain of her own creation.
I
opened the box. My hard work, blood, sweat and tears were inside. I'd spent
almost a year working on the mask. There was a lot a of detail, after all, and
I wanted to be sure that my destiny would be as pleasing to the eye as Aunt
Patricia's masterwork.
I
pulled the mask out of the box and held it up to my face. I didn't turn to face
my family and show off my exquisite artistry for that wouldn't matter until the
ritual was complete.
The
doorbell rang again.
I
opened the door, the fingers of my other hand firmly grasping the chin of the
mask, holding it up to my face.
The
kids were maybe fifteen. Both boys. One with a smeared skeleton face of white
and black grease paint; the other with a deadpan Michael Myers mask.
They
both took one look at me and dropped their hefty pillowcases of candy. Couldn't
see Mike's face, but Mr. Smeary Skull looked like he might need a change of
underwear.
Their
fright caused my mask to tighten like someone was pulling plastic wrap over my
face. I felt an instant of fear, even claustrophobia as the eye holes began to
deepen and the mask seemed to want to swallow me up and lock me behind
papier-mâché and latex. I let go of the chin. The mask remained fixed to my
skin. Soon enough the hollows I had been peering through sank away and, after a
feeling like someone had smeared clay across my cheeks, I felt comfortable in
my new skin.
I
turned from the lonely sacks of candy adorning the porch to face my family.
Aunt
Patricia smiled and tilted her head to show the flawless half of her doll face,
as if to praise me on my attention to detail. My mother and father smiled as
well. My siblings grinned wider as if remembering their own sixteenth birthdays
not so long ago.
The
snakes that now roiled atop my head hissed their approval. My forked tongue
darted over the elongated teeth that now racked my jaws. I put a hand to my
cheek, running it down the fine layers of delicate, soft scales.
I have
always been apart of this macabre family, but now, after my transformation, I
truly fit in.
I hope you enjoyed that little Halloween tale. If you are interested, check out my novels Through the In Between, Hell Awaits, and People of the Ethereal Realm.
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